A New Year & A New Beginning

Yesterday I headed to china town with my dad, not only to celebrate Chinese new year (year of the pig) but also to celebrate my new start. I was ready to leave my broken controlling relationship, but then discovered that my partner of sixteen years and father of my children had been having an affair with my supposed best friend. This was the finally kick in the teeth, and a reminder to make sure I never took him back for the sake of our children. Your kids will get pass it, never stay for them never I wish I hadn't.

It's been painful mainly for my two boys, as we have to see this person if you can call her that as her children and mine are in the same class. But I've let go, you can't look ahead if you're filled with hate. I've grown in ways I couldn't imagine. My self-worth has sky rocketed, as now I see why I was being made to feel worthless because it was never about me or my actions. I've been crawling back to myself for a while, now I'm flying I can see everything crystal clear. Their actions are a reflection of their insecurities. This is all I will say, as I've already wasted enough time and energy on them. I've moved on,  and it's strange how something so vile and painful has actual been a blessing. I've spread my wings and feel happy, like I've woken from a horrid dream I've been living for five years.

I'm seeing friends and family, enjoying time with my beautiful boys and opening my heart to new love. I'm grabbing life with both hands, and it feels incredible. I have so much planned for this year, it's making my head spin. People have said I'm like my old self, but she's dead and gone too. I think it's so important to look forward, and not step back. I'm ready to soak in all that life has to offer. Where else to celebrate a new start than in China town, with a street filled with red lucky lanterns it's hard not to smile even in the rain. The atmosphere was electric, and there was so much to take in. The floats were so detailed bursting with neon bright and patterns, small children danced around with paper dragons as popper were thrown to the ground. 

There's a stand through China town, that's been there since I first started going back in the early 00s.  I think at one stage I recalled what it was for and possible signed it. But today I didn't want to just assume I had signed once upon a time. Dad and I stopped to read - 'the killing of (practitioners of Falun Gong peaceful meditation) for the purpose of selling their organs for transplant is a violation of the fundamental right to life. The words were filled me with complete sadness, sometimes we think the worst has happened to us. Then you open your eyes, and see actual there are way worst things happening.  As me and dad choked back tears, reading more details we asked to sign the petition and were horrified to know this stand was still here and that nothing was being done. The lady we spoke to was so sweet, and has been fighting this for well over a decade. She thanked us, I said that I hoped that everyone celebrating would take the time to sign. As it takes a minute for someone to put pen to paper, in hope of stopping this. She kindly gave me and dad a flower charm each - Which hangs by my desk to remind me of the good in others. It amazes me how kind and caring some people are in this world, sometimes it's easy to focus on those that fill it with hate. If you visit please go sign if you can.

After we went and took photos and enjoyed the dragon dance, the performs where amazing and it must have been overwhelming having so many people surround them. Dad and I were going to get some dumplings but as we hadn't booked a table everywhere was packed out. So I dragged him to Wahacca as he had never been. We talked about everything, and it felt like when I was young and he would pick me up and take me out on his Sunday. He wasn't the perfect dad growing up, and mine and his relationship went through a lot. But his changed and really making an effort now for me and the boys. I feel like some how, everything is falling into place and who knew that all I had to do was let go of everything I had been clinging onto for years. 

We picked up two paper dragons for my boys, who were at their dads. I wish they could have been with me, but I'm looking forward to them celebrating next year. They loved their dragons and had a lovely weekend with their dad. I think the most important thing now is making sure that they get the best out of me and their dad. I'm so excited for this year, and it's already kicking off to a great start. 

What do you have planned for this year? 

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Five Habits I'm Trying To Adapt To

So you may have noticed I've not been around lately, I really wanted to but I was so stuck in a rut even the thought of getting out of bed was exhausting. So I decided not to force myself, not to fill my blog with posts about nothing that filled the void. I wouldn't want to read something that had no effort involved, a post just for the sake. It's like wearing a cocktail dress with sweatpants underneath, no one wants to see it and no matter how much you try to work it it's never going to look good. I wanted the time to think, and ask myself do I still want to blog, does this make me happy. 

After a holiday to Portsmouth, time with family and friends I realised I actual do missed this space. I also was inspired by seeing some absolutely awful humans, producing awful content because it lines their pockets and apparently being a mindless idiot is cool to some. I felt I owned the community one less idiot, someone who remembers how awesome it is to put out something useful .. dare I say it.. practical. If your struggling in a world where everyone seems to be dancing in sunflowers, looking like they sleep on a cloud of security all the while eating ice cream that doesn't drip down their hand the second they are given it. Then hang in there, you got this. You may do these already, if so and you have some other productive tips please let me know. 

Drinking More Water

Simple right. Wrong, if your not use to drinking lots of water it can feel like a massive effort. I put my hands up and say, that yes I would grab a fizzy drink then water or have a nice cup of tea. But after watching a heap of videos, on the benefits of drinking enough water every day I'm really trying to do better. Water helps aid sleep, reduces brain fog and anxiety. As you know I suffer with depression, and while water won't cure that it will help reduce a lot of the side effects of it. I've been drinking heaps over the last couple of months, and my skin looks better, I'm sleeping more and I just feel like I have a bit more energy. 

Good tricks are to either fill a reusable cup with water, and leave it in the fridge - I sometimes add berries or cucumber in for a little boost. Or have bottles of water in the fridge, I feel like if it's there I'm more likely to grab it then make a tea. Don't get me wrong, I'm still drinking my other drinks, but not as much. Your thirst will increase, but this is your body adapting to being hydrated. I never really thought about the fact, that before my body was struggling because of dehydration because what I was drinking wasn't helping me. Anyway give it a go, I promise you will notice a difference. 

You Don't Need Everything

This will always be an on going process for me, I'm a hoarder so letting go isn't easy. But too much stuff weighs me down, I don't need to have everything. I've managed to clear more, but I still have a way to go. It's starting to get a bit more manageable but I'm not there just yet. Sometimes it's worth going through everything you have, there are plenty of videos on You Tube on how people break down items to declutter. It feels great to have less, less to tidy, less to worry about. 

You can still have things, but when your living space is taken over by them or your adding a extra rail to your over flowing wardrobe it doesn't feel good. It's not a nice feeling when you have all this stuff and nothing to wear. So I'm selling, donating and recycling like my life depends on it. Why keep three pairs of jeans that don't fit, rather then getting rid and just having one pair you love. I'm starting to think more, and keep reminding myself that I want space I need space not stuff. It has got  little easier to let go, and I will keep at it. 

I love to sell on eBay, it's really easy and you would be surprised how much you can make from just a few seasonal items. I've sold coats I've only worn a handful of times, bags that were just gathering dust.  If you're worried about posting a large item then get yourself an  Ebay courier,  Shiply.com are wonderful they make the whole process a lot easier and take the stress out of those larger items you need gone.*

Trying to reduce my wardrobe - PS I still have over flow atm don't be fooled by this photo.

Waking Up Early When I Don't Have To

I think one of my issues was time, and never feeling like I have enough. Also not being able to sleep at night, usually knocks onto the day and on a day where I haven't got plans I end up feeling overwhelmed by my to do list. So I'm starting to get up more, yes sometimes I want to lay in and just sleep. But I know if I do that my sleeping pattern will slowly adjust into that routine. 

I want to try and do want I can so I can enjoy the day, not feel that I have to rush around. I've found getting up more, has helped me sleep more at night, some times I have the odd rough night. But usually I'm up and ready for the day, I feel like I have more time, more energy. If your struggling, set a gentle alarm to get you up it doesn't have to be crazy early but early enough that you feel you could have breakfast and do a bunch of other stuff. Your body clock takes three days to adjust, I found out and here I use to think that it would take me weeks. If your feeling rough, then try an afternoon nap instead. That why you have been up and had some day light, then laying in till the afternoon and seeing none. 

Sunflower in my grandads garden that I like to water.

Do It Now, Not Later

We all do it, the put off. Later, in a bit, oh that I'll do it tomorrow. Well it's two weeks later and it's still not done, and now you have a bunch of other stuff to do and you just want to curl up and cry but you can't because you will die under a pile of clothing. This is one I still struggle with, I have to really push myself to just  do it the moment I see it needs doing. 

Putting washing away, sorting through my things, finishing up a project. In some cases, it's not possible to get it all done in a day. But in most, if you break it down into more manageable pieces you can get it done. And after you can do what you like, because you were an adult and actual got your sh*t together. It's a great feeling, but one that you only get from not over thinking the task. Write it down if that helps, break it up into sections and make sure that you get at least one section done. You may find once you have done one bit, the next doesn't seem as bad and you might even get everything ticked off. But just remember now not later. Because later is your treat time to do what you like with. 

Go Out Even For Just A Short While 

When I'm low, I don't want to go out. I don't want to see people, and I don't want them to see me. The thing about that is, it does me no good staying in my rainbow cave. So lately even if it is for thee shortest time, I try to get out. To the shop, or even just to water my plants. I know for some of you this can be a mission, and feel like thee biggest task and sometimes it is. 

Getting up and getting dressed is not easy for everyone, I think people assume it is because they are doing it. But my lovelies even if it takes you a while, throw something on anything clown pants, that rudolph onesie you got for Christmas and just be outside even if it's for a short while. It will make a difference, remind you that there is a world out there that you are part of. Trust me I pushed through this one, greasy hair and no makeup give zero fu*ks because it wasn't for anyone but me. If it helps you get to better days, where you feel more yourself and want to stay out more, go further afield do it. 

Are there any habits your trying to adapt into your life? Let me know, I hope you all have a lovely weekend and I promise that I won't leave it so long next time. 

This is a sponsored post* 

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Five Things | I'm Doing This April

The countdown is finally over, and the boys are filling the house with laughter, moaning, dirty socks and wrappers. We have some things planned, but I think we are all looking forward to being still and in one place. They are happy not to have to do work every day, I'm happy not to have to wrench them and myself out of bed for the school run. We have put up some bunny decorations, and the boys are looking forward to their egg hunt on Monday. So I thought about things I really need to happen this Easter, and thought I would share them. 

Making Time To pamper Myself 

One thing, that tends to go out the window when I’m stressed is my pampering. My hair just hangs from my head, and I tend to stick a hat on living that glamours life right. So this Easter I’m making sure that instead of a quick shower, or wash I’m making time for a creamy bubble bath at least. I’m going to do the same for the boys, I think they need time to relax too plus play time in the bath is a great way to wear them out before bed if you have been stuck in. 

So I’m making sure the bathroom is full of fun bath products, we have some Lush goodies which I'm so excited to try. As usually I stick to my favourites. I'm most excited for Bunch of carrots, they are such pretty colours and smell absolutely epic! They are a bubble bar, so you run them under the tap and they fill your bath with creamy bubbles. They have Sicilian lemon oil, which is uplifting and as I'm going to be running around after the kids I'm gonna that. We also have the Golden egg, as the boys said they wanted something sparkly and it's possible thee most glittery thing I've ever seen in my life. And how adorable are the free rangers, I love that this spilts in two. Of course this smells divine, it has blackcurrant absolute and it got the boys approval. I think making bath time more the main event, then just doing it to get clean will hopeful leave me more refreshed and clam. I also have some skincare, so that I go to bed or wake up feeling fresh and ready. 

Bunch of carrots bubble bars, golden egg bath ballistic , Here comes the sun shower cream, cream egg bath ballistic and free rangers ballistic *

Have A Spring Clean (but like actual do it)

I think everyone is probably getting their clean on, the clocks changed and we gained more light and all of a sudden you notice all the crap everywhere. I've been slowly trying to declutter, but I think over the next few days even for an hour I'm going to be tougher on getting rid of things. Sell, donate or bin all the stuff just needs to go. I feel like I want different things be some new clothing, homeware but how can I do that when there are all these things piling up everywhere. 

So I'm going to go room by room, and sort through it all. Even the kids have clothing that doesn't fit, toys that they have long grow out of and I feel like if I can tackle it now before the six weeks holidays we will all be able to breathe again. I've watched a bunch of You Tube videos, which has helped me with ways to sort and motive yourself. At the same time I need to remember to actual do it. 

Making Easter cakes

Logan asked if we could make some cupcakes. I do like a bit of baking, I prefer the decorating part. If your not big on baking, why not buy plain fairy cakes so you can decorate them how you want. I think it's a great way to past some time, and fingers crossed get something tasty to eat at the end of it. I picked up some box cake, to make it easy for them to follow. We have some white fondant, so I'm going to show them how to make a little bunny topper. The last bunch of cakes we made were at Christmas time, we also made biscuits so we are long overdue on doing some baking. 

Crochetterie by Molla Mills is a great crochet book for if your looking for something more alternative.

Getting back into crafting 

I've had such low energy lately, that all my craft projects aren't really going anywhere. Progress has been slow, and I've been losing focus to the point i question why I've started at all. It's felt like a chore, because I'm not giving myself enough time. It's easy to get into having a deadline for wanting to finish, while some projects need that enough time. I think regards my projects, I just need to organise them. From what will take the least amount of time, and what ones I can chip away at.

I feel like the boys are crafting less and less too. I think it's been an odd couple of weeks, the weather has been all over the shop. And while we have been out here and there, I will say I have been guilty of handing them their gadgets and grasping at any free moment. But I do miss making things, and seeing them create as they both have a big imagination. 

Thankfully you don't even have to brainstorm much any more,  there are a million craft ideas on Pinterest. But one of my favourite things to craft with are paper plates, you can cut out bunnies or make them into eggs. They don't cost much, you can also recycle them once you have made new things if you like. Kids can colour them, stamp them or stick stripes of coloured card or even colourful chocolate wrapping. But any crafts are just a good way of doing something together, especially on a rainy day. They are perfect to stop them becoming glued to their gadgets, and also mean I'm giving the kids my time while we do something fun . Also if you loath mess, colouring paper plates with colour pens are a great alternative to paints. 

Gadget free time 

This also include Baz and I, as well as our little darlings. Some times it’s easy to think your spending time together, when in reality your all casual checking a phone or iPad and not really focusing on what’s being said. I know this drives me nuts, when I think the kids aren’t listening. So I’m sure they feel the same when I have a phone in my face. While certain things need to be checked and done, I really want to make sure I'm getting a break from internet surfing. Before you know it half the day is gone. I've decided I'll crochet, maybe paint, go for a walk or just enjoy the moment. 

I hope you all have a great Easter if you celebrate, and i'd love to hear what your up too and if you have any plans. 

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February Favourites

I can't believe how quickly February is vanished, January was such a long struggle that  February felt like the actual beginning of the year. While it's still cold and grey here in London, I enjoyed this month I feel like I'm starting to get stuff done. It's been a little slow as I've been battling with my health again, but trying my best to get out and enjoy some family time again. While this weekend we didn't do anything, I was pleased to have some down time. I felt like death, so spent most my time in bed doing the odd bit of crochet while Baz took care of the boys who were happy to ignore everyone and play with their games and gadgets. We did manage to go to the farm a while ago, and enjoy a day or two out I think sometimes we all need a little push to go out. The half term wasn't thee most exciting, but I did enjoy time with the boys and I hope next time we get to do a bit more. March has been slow, but I took so much needed time out off society media and here just to be. So sorry this is way late and it's been quite here, but I'm looking forward to sharing a bunch of stuff and getting back into a routine. 

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What Does Girl Power Really Mean, & Are We Doing It Right

Girl power, GRL PWR, Feminist, Girl boss ... Do these words hold any value or have they just become a trendy status to slap on a t-shirt for brands to profit. Not that you would swing a cat, but if you could swing a plush cat .. that's better right a stuffed cat you would hit one of these buzz words scrolled across somewhere or someone. Do I like them, well yes and no. I want to believe they have a real meaning, but as time goes on I'm not sure anymore.

I mean what does girl power even mean anymore, I still have fresh memories, of being a teenager back in the 90s and arguing with friends who was what Spice Girl. I was Geri naturally -Looking back now, I realise this meant being a loud mouth, utterly bossy and entitled, but I loved her seemly unapologetic vibes. Girl power then was more to do with dressing how you want, but acting like a lad. It was all a little confusing and the word feminist seemed to be an outdated term, that the kick ass girls drinking pints didn't relate too. While I thought it was cool that girls weren't pretending not to fart or burp, it was still making us act in a certain way to be taken seriously and have our voices heard. It just reduced everything down to a joke. My questions now  are we really empowering each other anymore now, or is feminism still completely misunderstood. Is it really helping, or has the movement been overshadowed by peoples personal agenda of what they want it to mean. 

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Things I'm Ditching To Save Money In 2018

Rainbow flowers my friend sent me for my birthday, which made my January and remind me to keep motivated.

I was going to write a bunch this month, but I got some awful news that I'm still processing. At the same time it shook me hard, so I took some time out. But I'm trying my best to get back into a normal routine, and I'm lucky to have amazingly supportive people around me. So I wanted my first post of 2018 to be a good one, and if like me your year has already kicked off to a not so great start then I hope this may help you a little. Maybe it will get you thinking about how you can redirect your money, and put it towards something you want or need.  I'm starting to think more, to what I can do and how I'm going to reach my goals realistically. So what is my big change this year, and how am I going to get the much needed cash. 

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2017| What To Remember When Your Years Been 'Meh'

              Causally throwing in my Instagram photos, because Instagram ( @law1sfab ) hate us all and we have to remind ourselves it still exists.

I've felt flat this year, not going to lie. While it feels that everyone is getting their shit together, I feel like I've taken steps backwards. I think it's easy to feel that you should be ticking boxes off every month. While living your best life sounds simple on paper, it's actual pretty draining trying to work hard, play hard and really enjoy it like that's the whole point right. It's easy to feel you pour yourself into work, and no one cares if your there or not be it in blogging, retail, office or even with your own business . Not having money or energy to play at all, just adds in to the cycle of feeling rubbish. Maybe you have lose a job, and that can bring your once vibrant life to a stand still. 

So where are the positives, where is the sliver lining. while I don't feel I've knocked it out the park this year, I'm not going to pretend that 2017 was a 'meh' year. Because while everyone was off living their best lives, I thought but that's not your life. It got me thinking more into my personal growth, and while to an outsider I may have achieved nothing I've made some huge changes that have started to impact my life for the better. 

Learning to love yourself is the biggest achievement of them all-

Okay so if you have read my blog for a while, you will be aware I have Body Dysmorphic disorder. If not Hello I'm Law, and my brain tells me to hate myself and causes me anxiety and depression, I know fun right. But looking around and reading others posts, watching videos on You Tube it seems a lot of you struggle with the big L word when it comes to yourself. This year I think I've tried to stop my nagging doubts, reminded myself that if I'm happy in my skin that's all that matters. This year I have spent less time in mirrors, worrying that an outfit doesn't look right. My bed has not been filled with my wardrobe because I've had a melt down so badly I can't leave the house. I've confidently left the house without makeup, as someone who's main trigger is my acne skin this for me was huge. It's taken time, I've had to remind myself daily that I'm me and I'm worth loving.  

Maybe you wore something you never thought you would this year, maybe you looked in the mirror and smiled. Maybe you spent more time out with people, then feeling that you weren't worth their time. You may have had bad days, but maybe this year your good days out weighted the bad in a long time. Maybe you felt proud of something, that usually you wouldn't have acknowledged before. If your at the start of this journey then make 2018 the year you give yourself a break, and embrace who you are. Because having confidence in yourself and not needing others approval is priceless. 

You don't need to earn me time -

This is one of thee biggest changes I'm still making, and it's not just because I'm a parent is having time for myself is SO important, and I do not have to earn it. When you think about it, like really think about it why should I have to complete days worth of tasks to have an hour of doing something fun. I think it's so easy to feel like your not doing enough, and that you have to ram every second with something 'productive'. When in reality your half doing jobs because your fed up. 

So while we all have stuff that has to get done, take some time for you. Be it a fancier lunch if your having a crap day at work, doing something creative if crafting brings you joy. Maybe going for a walk if you have been glued to a screen all week. The list goes on, just think about what makes you feel good and just do it. No I'll just do these 50 other tasks first. It's your life and you don't have to earn time to just be in this world.

Slow Progress is still progress-

It's only natural to compare, but I've found that sometimes I can be so busy worrying that I'm not doing as much as others I literally stop what I was doing. Personal my progress has been going from a hoarder to minimalist, while I won't be living in a white cube with one pair of shoes I am determined to reduce what I have and love what I have. When I say slow progress I mean slow, so far it's taken almost three years to downsize everything I have. But space is opening up, and I'm able to let go of things I have no love for. I've started to paint again, and feel more creative. 

Maybe your progress is at work, maybe it's saving up for something, maybe it's learning something new. It can be anything, maybe it's dealing with your mental health, or over coming a fear. Whatever you have started it may feel like your going no where, but it doesn't have to be instant. Progress is progress, and you should embrace that your moving forward. If your struggling with it, maybe set yourself a smaller goal. 

It's okay to remove toxic people from your life-

So this won't be for everyone, but I'm sure everyone has that one person who leaves them feeling like crap or drains your metal energy. This is something that took me a life time to learn, and when I think about thee amount of toxic people I had around me in my twenties I what to scream. I think when we think of being a nice person, it means having everyone in your life no matter how they impact upon your day to day. It can be really hard to cut people out, because you love them and believe that they can change and will grow. Sadly in most it's not going to happen, so rather then dancing around your issues, broken trust etc sometimes it's best to part ways. It doesn't have to be in an aggressive way, for me it was a case of removing myself from their lives. I now feel more relaxed, and I don't have the constant nagging that they are going to cause me upset. It may not be easy, but honestly once you have you will notice a massive change. 

Maybe it's someone online, someone who leaves a horrible comment all the time just  block those negative vibes because life hard enough without a complete stranger telling you your not worthy. I've found this year I've engaged less with people hell bent on dragging others down. Rather then argue about nothing, I tend to just put down my phone and remind myself that some people will always be ignorant. So if you have managed to cut out toxic people from you life, then know that your doing right by you. 

These are just some of the things I try to remind myself of, and who knows what 2018 will bring. I hope that we all have a better year, a year filled with time for fun and more excitement. A time were instead of worrying what others are doing, we create are own goals about living YOUR best life. 

Have you had a 'meh' year. What's your reminder to yourself? 

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6 Must Dos Before Christmas

Bambi Mug: ASDA

How is Christmas a week a way, when did this happen. Saying that I'm so ready for Christmas day to happen already, this month has been one thing after another for me and it's tested my levels of sanity. But dispute the fact our washing machine broke, having two massive unexpected bills to pay and that my poor grandad has been laid up in hospital the last few weeks I'm still hanging on to my Christmas spirit. I'm determined to make this Christmas a fun filled fest for our boys. 

I'm trying to look too what I do have, and that these bumps in the road are just that. I'm lucky and thankful to have a loving family, a piece to rest my head and food on my table. That my grandad isn't alone, and that while being in hospital over Christmas isn't very nice, his still here being looked after and that all my family are supporting him and one another. So I'm just holding on to hope that he will be home soon.

On a brighter note apart from the boys both being ill, they have been so lovely to each other. Maybe it's more to do with Santas list, but they have been fighting less and doing more for each other which has been one of the things I've really needed this month. They made Christmas cards for their great grandad, and even been more helpful around the house without the help of a creepy Elf on the shelf. Soz but they freak us all out. 

So with gifts all wrapped, I'm finally ready to settle down and get into Christmas.  I know that Christmas isn't all fun and games for you either, so here are my fail safes things to do to help you get ready for this festive season. 

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We Need To Talk About Instagram

Okay so let's be honest no one wants to write about this, every time I hear myself moan about it I cringe a little because on the grand scale of things it doesn't matter. But then I start to think about the time lost, and it doesn't seem a lot at first. But then you start to think about the amount of shots you took, maybe a flat lay you set up or perhaps hours spent on a cool makeup look. And it's hard not to feel robbed. So what's the issue I hear you cry. Well someone at Instagram had the wonderful idea of mixing up the order of our feeds. Imagine doing that on any other platform, and I'm pretty sure it would have gone out of business already. You log onto Facebook to see what your friends have been up too, only to see posts from a year ago when you lived together or worse just the same four posts for three weeks. It's confusing, it's frustrating and to be honest it's putting us off. 

So why do we use it. 

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Can A Hobby Turn Into A Chore

A ziggy patch I hand sequinned that I left for months before completing 

You are stretching yourself thinner, than a after eight mint shared by two people. Is your 'to do' list, reaching crazy limits of never ever getting done. Then join the club, what do you need, (no not gin) a hobby of course. We have been filling this void for decades, even when we are already exhausted we still can push a little further if fun isa involved. We live in an age, where the world of hobby is not the cringe fest it once was. And hobbies can take may different shape and forms, be it gaming, yoga, cross stitch, archer, dance, you name it and there's a group of people doing it as we speak.  

Being busy is the new cool, creating has made a massive comeback. Yes I'm focusing on the crafty side, but that's just what I enjoy.  The phrase 'I'm bored' is kinda frown upon in an age where we have the world at our finger tips. But when does a fun filled, stress free time filler became a stressful ball of chaos. When and how can the joy be sucked from something we once adored. I thought I would help expose, these joy sucking vampire problems out and help you refocus and enjoy again. Because let's face it, mostly it's someones comments that can put us off doing what we love. 

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You Say You Want A Revolution

A top I crocheted, using acrylic yarn from Woolcraft which is made in the U.K

I'm a little late to the #FashionRevolution party, but as I was having trouble with my computer. It's been impossible to blog, but basically in April they have a week of asking who made our clothing. Who it was made by, what is it made of, how much wear are we going to get from it. It's a minefield of a topic, as it has knock on effects beyond what were shown and I can understand why sometimes it's easier just to pretend. As you know I've always loved to thrift/charity shop, and as I hoard I've always worn most of my clothing. But I'm as guilty as anyone, of being so caught up in the garment it's self that these questions are far from my thinking. I want this to change. 

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I May Wear Rainbows #mentalhealthawarenessmonth

I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up at the moment, I have so much I want to do but there's always something that I've forgotten. So fun gets pushed aside for things that have to be done, energy levels drop and the overwhelming 'meh' levels get me thinking what's the point. I push and push, I forget that I need to wash my hair, I forget that I've missed a meal. I don't sleep for nights on end, because I'm thinking about what I need to get done. 

I want to fill my days and be productive, but my anxiety is getting the better of me which makes even the smallest of tasks hard. I can already see that I'm getting sucked into things to distract my mind, from the constant over thinking. So I decided that I was in need of some self care and me time, Barry has been really supportive and took the boys out so I could have a day to go do what I wanted. I looked at piles of washing, and usually my mum guilt tells me get everything done than you can have fun. I decided that today she was going to shut up and take a seat. It was so nice to go out shopping, it's been forever were I've had the day to myself. I got up had a lovely bath, took my time getting ready and kept reminding myself that there was no rush today.

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Raising Boys What I've Learnt So Far

I don't tend to talk about my kids much, well at least not online in life try and stop me. My blog has always been an outlet for a little break, but at the same time I do have kids and they impact my life in ways I never imagined. My boys are seven and five now, and it's incredible how quickly they have grown and how much they have changed. Saying that some things have stayed the same, and I know all too quickly that with each year they become more independent and it breaks my heart a little. 

Try telling my boy that only girl like pink, and be faced with having a 2 hour talk about unicorny and why she's the bestest. 

When I first found out I was pregnant I was shitting myself, not literally (but that can happen during labour by the way, I know fun times right) but the thought of being totally responsible for a life is a tad overwhelming. At the same time I was so grateful, and excited by the idea of helping shape a life. EVERYONE, and I mean everyone told me I was having a girl. Swinging crystals over my bump, telling me the way my bump sat. I honestly didn't care, a healthy baby was always my concern. Not going to lie, when I fall pregnant again having a girl would have been lovely. I can still recall looking at the scan and thinking 'shit I'm completely outnumbered'. Than this got pushed aside by the panic of will I love this baby just as much as my first. Which seems laughable now, as I love my kids the same they are both awesome and so different from each other. 

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What Does Wellness Mean In 2017 | The Start Of My Journey

After a very long day of school runs, picking up smelly socks and just running around like a loon spending time with my boys and my other half. I decided that I was going to settle the boys into bed, then make a tea and find something to watch on You Tube - A nice break from bingeing another box set to switch my brain off.  Off from liking everything on Instagram, worrying about bills, planing trips out for half term and the world in general. Feeling tried from another week of lack of sleep, and feeling 'meh' I wasn't in the mood to watch any DIY or fashion videos. I wanted something I could take from, something I could do to improve my lack of energy and generally to just feel less shit. 

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Everyone's A DJ

Do you really need to be good at what you do to be successful at it? It's not that everyone is a DJ by the way, in the days of social media people have more slashes than a 90s model slash actor slash artist slash you get the drift. So can you really claim, to be something you have no actual understanding of and make it. As much as I do believe in a little 'fake it till you make it', at the same time there really are things you just can't fake. 

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Life In My Thirties

I use to dread the idea of getting 'older', but honestly with every year life seems to make more sense and if I'm really honest I cringe at how much time I wasted worrying about absolute crap. Stupid things I did, neglecting myself and being my own worst enemy has taken it's toll. Floating in my failures, than trying to justify my actions to myself. All that time gone. 

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Are We Lost In Likes

Of course I love social media, blogging wouldn't be what it is without it. But more and more I see people I look up too doubt themselves. Of course we are all human, and doubting yourself is a normal part of life, but when it starts to became everyone you meet. Then you yourself start questioning everything your doing, why are we all lost in likes. Is our 'like' culture killing our creativity, or is it even about creativity anymore. From what I've seen it seems that the creative pool is not as big as it once was. Not because people are lacking, far from it most have no idea how incredible inspiring they are. Some are forgetting that they set that bar. 

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Ways I Cope With Body Dysmorphic Disorder

So you may remember this post I wrote ages ago about my BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder), as it's been so long I thought I would write something that maybe helps others with BDD in ways to cope on a day to day basis. I'm not perfect I still have really bad days, were I feel like being psychical sick because I just don't look right and I just feel like a disgusting mess. It happens and you have to except that it's never going to magical go. 

So rather than waste time, waiting for a miracle that someone will invent a laser that shoots you in the brain and your BDD is cured. Let's talk about things you can do to help yourself, and make life easier on you and those around you- Because I hope they want to help you too. No body is perfect, and guess what you don't have to be. BDD wants you to believe that you have no power, it wants you to believe your not good enough. It's lying to you every second of every day, and when you start to make small changes you can fight BDD. This is not about medication by the way, I think that's too personal and it's an individuals choice. All I would say is if your doctor is offering meds, to read up about them and were possible talk to others who are taking the same meds. Knowledge is power, and it's important to know exactly what your being offered. These are things I guess to give you a routine, dealing with it daily. 

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Adulting Is Hard

I'm slowly finding routine again, for a while I felt like I couldn't write. I hated all my photos and everything just seemed like a chore. While my depression has been better, my energy levels were at a all time low and every fibre in me ached. Than half term rolled around, and I had no choice. I don't lie to the boys, they know if mummy isn't feeling well or mummy is a bit down. At the same time hearing things like 'I'll look after you mummy' is pretty soul destroying.  No you won't, because instead were going to craft or go to the park, or pick up new books from the library. My inner mum voice that's usually stressing over the piles of washing I need to sort, gets upset and convinces me that I now have all this energy and were gonna have some fun if it kills me. 

I'm not magical cured, trust me I comfort eat, break apart the dimensions of my being bit by bit till I feel like whats the point of anything while crying into my tea. This is something I do keep to myself, my irrational side -the side that goes from thinking about hat I need to do to five hours into googling all the worlds horrors. I've managed to keep that on lock down, but when the boys are around I tend to see things more logical. My boys tend to give my brain a shake, like get it together your the adult here and they look up to you for to find their way in the world. My other half was also off work due to hurting his back fun times, so we embraced it as a family. Not his back, obviously but that we were all together and that this week could be all chores and boredom. Or real time to be together. 

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I'm Not Like A Regular Mum, I'm A Cool Mum

Top: Charity shop Orange pinafore dress: Beyond Retro

Being a mum of two small children, has defiantly changed how I view my wardrobe. It's amazing how you can go from feeling pretty cool about how you dress, to being told by your child not to wear something because it's embarrassing. I guess I don't dress how I'm suppose to, I love rainbow stripes, patterned denim and own way to many novelty bags for anyone over the age of twelve. I mean how am I suppose to dress is a question, I do ask myself sometimes. Having the boys did effect me, my body changed and I guess my style was put on hold in place of being practical. I did however care a lot less about what others were thinking, maybe hitting my thirties helped. I went from 'oh I'm not sure' to 'I'm not sure but screw it I'll wear it anyway'. 

I guess that's why I adore vintage, there are whole decades that embraced print, colour and playing with how garments are cut it's a whole 'screw it vibe'. I try and tell my boys little stories, like ' Who do you think worn this before mummy? Maybe a circus performer.' Yes it's silly, but I guess I want to pass that interest down to them. While I can't dress them in heaps of vintage now, I'm looking forward to going shopping with them when their older and seeing how vintage will evolve in this time of throw away fashion. I use to get bullied for wearing hand me downs, but as an adult I take joy in the hunt of finding something unique at the charity shops. The shame has been removed, and I love that it's now 'cool' to be thrifty. 

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