Gone, But Never Forgotten

I don't know what to write, or even if I should be writing this. I feel like writing about anything else would just feel fake. Yesterday Barry's dad passed away, he had been battling cancer for over three years. Tony was a fantastic dad and such a loving granddad, and he had such a great sense of humour. I remember when I first met him and Barry's mum Shirley (if we were married I couldn't wish for a better mother in law) ten years ago, they welcomed me in like they had always know me this strange goth girl. Most would have judge me, and they never did.

Barry pay fighting with his dad

I even spent Christmas with them because my family were going away and they invited me there. We had only been dating a few months so it was a bit crazy really looking back, and it was and will always be one of the  best times of my life. Growing up an only child, it was great to be surrounded by Barry's brothers and sister and their kids. As my nan had passed away that year, so it was going to be hard to have Christmas without her. They made it enjoyable again, and I loved how Barry's mum and dad joked with each other they were best friends and partners.

Tony has five children, who I know like their mum will miss him with every fibre of their being he was always there for all of them. He has ten grandchildren, and I'm so glad they all knew him and had him in their lives playing in the garden. Even when the cancer had taken hold, Tony would sit with the kids and play games with them on the iPad. He never moaned, he never complained about what he was happening. He faced it head on. I hope Corben will remember his times with him, sadly Logan is too little. Of course we will tell them everything about him and show them photos/videos of him, so they can see how much they meant to him. 

I want them to learn from who he was, to be a good partner and father. To work hard and get on with things, to joke and make the most of life. I want to thank Tony, everyday I'm with a man he raised and influenced. Barry is such a great dad, his loyal and very caring his mum and dad raised him to be a gentleman. Yeah okay Barry is outspoken and wears a Tool t-shirt rather than a bow tie but his honest just like his dad was. Now I just need to be there for Barry, losing a parent is beyond hard and Tony was so young. It's a void that can't be filled, you never get over that you just have to keep breathing and enjoy the good you still have.

I explained to Corben very openly about his granddad passing away, and although he can't understand fully it's important he knows. He said ' Does this mean Granddad is asleep forever' when I replied yes he said 'No mummy his just upstairs playing ipad' who knew that this came from a three year old. I hope that's how they can think of him, being with others we have lose playing games and being happy.

Anyway I'm waffling, I guess this is my way of facing it. 

14 comments

  1. I'm so sorry to read this Laura! I'm sorry for all your losses, he sounds like he was a wonderful man, the top photo is so lovely. I've never lost anyone, so I can't even begin to sympathise, but I hope you and your partner (and little ones) make it through this tough time ok.

    <3

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    1. Thank you sweetie, it means a lot. Don't be silly, I don't think anyone has to lost someone to know. I think having the kids helps as we have to focus on them, Baz as been so strong xxx

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  2. I'm so sorry :( I was crying by the end I can't evenbegin to imagine how you and Barry feel :( I think it's the worst losing such amazing people, stay strong and I'm glad he has children that will make sure that his grandkids know about him xx

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  3. Sorry to hear about Barry's father, kids are so gorgeous aren't they. What a beautiful photo of Barry and his dad. My thoughts are with you in this tough time.

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  4. I'm so sorry lovely, sending you and your family a whole lot of love right now x

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  5. BIG MASSIVE KISSSES to Barry and all of you my darling. If you ever need anything even just a coffee and a cry or even a babysitter you know where I am. LOVE YOU xxxxxxx

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  6. Thinking of you all, losing your Dad is heartbreaking and there are no words of comfort I can say to you guys, but just know that you are blessed with each other - find happiness in your children, your hearts will heal but it will take a long time.

    love you babe xxx

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  7. Thinking of you all! I know how hard it is to lose a parent. My nephew took it the same way Corben did, funny how kids put it into perspective.

    Sending lots of love!

    xx

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  8. So sorry to hear about your loss, sending lots of love for you all!

    Maria xxx

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  9. So sorry to hear this! It does help to write about these things. My dad passed away when i was in my twenties and my husbands dad passed away last year, he also lost his mum a long time ago. I can't even put into words how loss of parents feels, it's never something you get over, lots of hugs for you all xxx

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  10. What a terrible loss. Kids can be so funny though! Sending love xxx

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  11. Law, I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you all lots of love & hugs. This was a really beautiful post, it gave me a lump in my throat reading it & he sounds like he was an incredible guy, love that photo too, just gorgeous. I love the way Corben put it, its amazing how well kids cope with these things & I hope your boys can bring you both a little comfort during such a sad time xxx

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  12. it's never easy, but you never lose those found memories.

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  13. Kids have an amazing capacity for remembering family who are no longer with us. My mum lost her father in 1992, I was 3, my mum was only just 27. But I do have some memories of the man we lost, and his passion for work hard- play hard and for protecting the people he loved has lived on with all of us in our family. Losing someone so important is not easy, it can't be made up for, and nobody can tell you how to deal with it, or how long the grieving should take, but I hope that you all can continue to support each other and that with time, you will continue to remember a clearly amazing man.

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Thank you for your comments, I really do love hearing from you x

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