Go Compare: How To Stay Positive In The Blog World

No I'm not trying to sell you insurance, just trying to reassure you that everyone is doing it 'What are you on about Law?' ....Comparing, yep as great as social media is it also has a dark side. Let me explain, it starts off with you checking your favourite blogs, there they are stylish and successful, going to all the events and having this dreamy life. There's you stuck in, your place is a tip, oh wait that's if your even lucky enough to have your own place. Eating last nights take out, as you brush the mess otherwise know as your hair, to go to a crap job you hate that barely affords you a bag from Topshop let alone Prada! It's not that you are bitter, your happy that this person is doing well. You love seeing were they holiday, and checking out their latest instagram photos of collections they have seen, places they have eaten at. You even follow them on twitter and chat, but the more you see all these peoples 'perfect' lives the more yours seems dull and worthless and yourself esteem drops.


You will never have the money to buy those shoes, your house will never look like that, than you go to blog after blog and suddenly feel you don't belong. Your not pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough, you don't travel or have the perfect partner. Suddenly you are picking at every detail, you can't seem to make it through a post without digging at yourself that you should be more like that! It starts off with little things  'My photos will never be that good, and if they were I don't have pretty clothing so whats the point', these people suddenly feel above you. Your not your happy self, you feel down but don't want to say anything in case someone laughs 'your upset over what others have'. Yes it may sound silly but its not, constant comparison can lend to depression which is very real and can destroy your once perfectly normal life.


(My cookie monster PJ's I often blog in at night)

Before the Internet and mobile devices, women picked up magazines and dreamt about the famous life flicking through and feeling crap that their 'Rachel' cut didn't look as great as Jennifer Anistons (oh the 90's). Now everyone from your 12 year old cousin to your gran has Internet access, it's just life in the 00's. So of course blogging took off, and gave everyone a voice and a chance to showcase what they had to say, wear, own and it's no different. Now we log into different sites and have all this access in a click of a button, and with it the 'compare' factor has upped and is fiercer than ever.

It's so easy to go from feeling great, to feeling rubbish it maybe something simple as you buy an item of clothing to blog about (just an example), than see that another blogger has worn it and looks like they could be on the cover of Vogue. So what now, you splashed out on something you can't really afford and now feel you can't wear. ' People will say I'm copying, or I'm fat and ugly. What's the point no one cares'. It's suddenly not just about blogging, it's about you and your worth, how did you end up here feeling depressed and useless. 


  • The truth is the camera can lie, because it can't show you everything, you don't see how long it took that person (maybe) to set up that shoot. That their photo maybe is  photoshopped to death, don't assume that anyone has skin that is pore free and perfect.
  • Some people may loan designers items or be in mass debt to afford them, some have worked damn hard for what they have, and some are just given it. You don't know and it shouldn't matter, if you really love something why not get creative and try a little D.I.Y. It will focus your attention on something, leaving you less time to worry that you have not got  the latest  'must haves'. It's fun, plus you can share your work with your readers. 
  • If you are having a rubbish day body wise, than avoid sites were you are given points/hypes on outfits. It's only going to upset you and you have to realise that we all have different body shapes, and style is not measured by your size, skin etc...
  • Get inspired, rather than getting down about what others are blogging about, refocus your energy into your blog. So what if you don't have the best camera, play around with what you have take photos in a different way. Plus photos are not everything on a blog, you can make a great post with your writing too.
  • Take a note book and fill it with post ideas, things that make you happy, a favourite recipe, a collection you have (example rings, postcards). Keep it handy, as if you have an idea you can write it down quick.  
  • It's your blog! So blog about what you want, if you don't feel confident about your style, than why not blog about something else. There are blogs for travel, food, beauty, kids, cars, computers ...the list goes on so don't feel you have to blog about things because others are.
  •  Every time you compare yourself no matter who too and what it's about, name 3 things you have going for you. It can be anything from you have great teeth, to you have a lovely new bag to use. It will refocus you onto positive energy and thoughts, about you.
  •  If you are depressed than talk about it, with a friend or family. Depression is complex and not so easy to snap out of, talking about it is the first step and you shouldn't feel ashamed. Depression is common and who knows maybe that person you always compare yourself to, is as well. 
  • I was happy that Frankie from the Saturdays spoke out about her depression, just because you have things doesn't mean you don't question your worth. Things can seem 'perfect' from the outside, but if you don't know than don't compare. I always think it's like choosing what to wear in the dark, you can make out whats what, but you don't know how it will look until you turn on the light (it's not always pretty). You can't know how someones really feeling from say a tweet or an outfit post (just examples), so why are you comparing.

There are helplines. if you feel you are unable to talk with someone you know about your depression. MIND is a website that gives a heap of information with numbers. Sorry this post is long, but if this helps any of you feel better and stop you from dragging yourself down than I'm not sorry. I'm proud to say my mother who is bipolar and the queen of comparison, has made a rule that every time she does it (compare herself, which is anything to 159 times a day, nope I'm not joking) she has to name three things that she has going for her. Since we started the rule, she hardly every does it now (I think it's so she doesn't have to come up with 3 things). 

Anyway let me know what you think, do you compare yourself? Are you more likely to compare yourself to people you know, magazines, celebs, or people in the social media world? I would love to know. 



24 comments

  1. Brilliant post. Some times I feel like I am slipping in to a spiral of checking other peoples "perfect" lives whilst I sit at home doing uni work or counting up change to be able to afford my train fare. YES I understand that I am only seeing one side of the coin, most if not all bloggers only show a small aspect of their life online but being so into the world of social media its sometimes hard to rationalise these feelings.

    However I'm very much sure i'm not along and I dont think a single person who reads your post will not relate to it in some way. We are all only human and comparison is the norm. Its sad that most of us will compare areselfs and feel sad but thats life! I can happily say that overall blogging is something that has improved my life and given me the confidence to dress how I like and feel like I have some sort of style. I have also met/spoken to the most fantastic and insperational women who have made me happy and proud to be who I am and part of such an amazing community.
    :]
    I compare myself to bloggers, celebs in magazines and people I pass on the street - it's 2nd nature to me although I wish that it wasn't. I spend a lot of time worrying about how others see me I have wasted countless chances becasue if feelings of selfdoubt but i'm trying to change this.

    Thanks for such an interesting post xx

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  2. thank you so much for this comment Danielle and I couldn't agree more. I think especial for women it's programmed into us to compare, but i'm so glad to hear that blogging has had a positive effect too. Blogging keeps my sanity sometimes :)

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  3. Love this! I think a really similar thing is happening on blogs to what happened on Facebook which was that it was the reason so many 16-24 year olds were depressed. Feeling not as good as the people in their timeline with their expensive holidays or new things. It's really similar.
    I just think no one knows what goes on in someone else's life really , we see what they choose for us to see. That may not be the reality. I think as long as we all realise that the image that is portrayed is just that an image we can try and not internalise the shortcomings we feel.
    Lovin those jammies!

    Dp
    X

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  4. I would love to give you a massive cuddle and a standing ovation for this post.

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  5. Fantastic Post!!! This has been well Over Due. You have touched on subjects that have will or may affect so many of us at some point in our lives, what we need to understand and remember is that everyone has something to offer no matter who they are or where they are coming from!! in this day and age when people are glorified for what they have or look like. (Its is sometimes hard to see and remember that all that Glitter isn't Gold)......So Plz remember, live within your means enjoy each and every day, Love yourself your Amazing xx

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  6. lovely pics!!!

    www.meryswardrobe.blogspot.com

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  7. This is such a healthy post; one that needed to be written. It is so difficult to tell yourself that other bloggers don't have perfect lives and that you are only seeing part of their story...especially when you suffer from low self-esteem or/and depression.

    I have gone to post a personal less happy piece of writing on my blog and then I instantly think who wants to read that? Maybe that's why some blogs seem so perfect they know that no-one really wants to hear about the bad stuff as not many want to be reminded of it.

    Saying all this though blogging can also help with mental illness and depression if you can't leave the house and you can't face seeing people, interacting with people online can be a saving grace. The blogging community (as far as I've seen) is mainly a supportive place and I know that posts like the one you've just written will help someone who's suffering.

    Great post...I don't know why I felt the need to write the longest comment ever especially when I already tweeted you. You've definitely struck a cord! :)

    Dannii xx

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  8. This is so, so well written. I'm exactly the same! Especially with the skinny thing, ugh all these beautiful people skinny as and then their instagram photos of SO MUCH FOOD. How do they do it. I manage to ignore it most of the time but as you said, on "those days" it's much harder. Anyway. Great post.

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  9. This is a great post, it's always hard not to compare yourself to others and in the world of blogging others will always have what you want. It's best just to refocus any negative energy back into making your own blog better than sitting and dwelling on what you don't have.

    http://www.rafflesbizarre.blogspot.com

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  10. I think most 'normal' people can totally relate to this... A lot of the top beauty bloggers seem to have such an enviable lifestyle and you constantly compare yourself to them, and when you don't get invited to events or sent products...you feel like you are lesser a person almost!!! (you shouldn't though!!)

    I am the same with social networking and my makeup Artistry, I sometimes compare myself to others, wonder why they have got this great job but I haven't and it really can get you down......and take up way touch of your time thinking about it...I think social networking is great but it's also hard as you are constantly in competition with other s xx

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  11. This is an amazing post! I sometimes feel so down seeing the success of other blogs, and the amazing lives of bloggers making mine seem so boring! But then you do have to think like you said, the camera and couple hundred odd words of each post is just a snapshot, not the entirety of their life!

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  12. Well done on this blog post hun, you can see its taken a lot of effort and is so well written and articulated.

    And you know what, as much as we may deny it, or not even realise it - YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

    If i think about it, I am continuously comparing my self to the amazing glamazons head to toe designer, jetting from one fashion show to the next, attending every press day and getting some serious success on their blog and wondering / wishing that I could be that fab too.

    I even, last week, returned a pair of shorts I LOVED because I saw another blogger wearing them who had tiny tiny skinny legs, and It made me think that actually maybe I don't look very good in them. Terrible to admit it, but it is true.

    But you are so right, i blog for me, i write what i like to write and i read what i like to read. My blog photos are improving - onloy because i have an interest in photography, not because i want to be like someone else. So much now uou see mimic blogs and copy cats, and it's just like why even bother - this is for you, its about you, and should be all you.

    I've rambled, and lost my point haha. But genuinely, well said, sometimes you need to hear the truth to get a grip again :D and give yourself a break :)

    Mel x
    www.mediamarmalade.com

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  13. This post came at exactly the right time for me. Just had a guest piece dismissed by a much more successful blogger and it completely knocked my confidence and started me on the slippery slope of no one is interested in what I have to say, maybe I should just stop etc etc. You have truly made me feel a lot better x

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  14. This an amazing post, so well said and put forward!
    Blogs are for ourselves, and not others, and sometimes it's easy to loose sight of that!
    Thank you for such an incredible post!

    Laura xoxo

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  15. Hey law i know this feeling too well i have a habit of starting blogs and either not posting them.or posting them half finished... Luckily no one reads mine haba but to me my blog is more a outlet for the shit i think and the crap i have been through... At the moment i am avoiding style and beauty blogs due to the ever growing boobs. Awfull skin and expanding waste line tat comes with pregnancy. Dont get me wronge i am so happy but (there it is that damn but) as you know the hi and lows that come witg the magical proccess. Not kissing ass but law your blog is the obe i do read perhaps cos i know you and you are realand you stay true to yourself .... Sorry rambling now blame tge baby brain ... Love you law xxx

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  16. As Laura said, blogs are for ourselves and not for others.

    I blog as a hobby and am not looking to make money out of it so that takes the pressure off. I blog because I enjoy it, I love having a creative outlet and if people read it and get something out of it then even better.

    Saying that I think it's natural to want to compare yourself to others in the same field but as you (Law) said, what you're seeing is just a 1% snapshot and you don't know what that person's life is like the other 99% of the time.

    I always respond better to bloggers who are clearly themselves and not trying to be something they're not. Like shopping for handbags, it's easy to spot the fakes.

    Jess xx

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  17. This is such a good post. I've heard 'blogger envy' talked about a bit, how the 'big bloggers' take perfect pictures, seem to get tons of free clothes and products and attend loads of events. And I get jealous sometimes.

    But then I realise I like my life. And I like my blog, as it represents my life. Some of my favourite bloggers aren't 'big' or super-perfect, for me it's what they have to SAY that makes me come back to their blog, not pictures or generic product reviews. I like blogs with real personality, and hopefully that's something I can channel in mine. There's a great blogger community, and that's what it should be about - not freebies or recognition. :)

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  18. Amazing post.. I've been feeling particularly uninspired recently which always leads to the guilt that I'm just not good enough. It's impossible to avoid comparing yourself, but so good to know that everyone does it (..even those with nealry 1000 followers !!) After reading all the positive comments here and the lovely comments that make their way onto my blog, I'm not going to put so much pressure on myself and continue to blog about what I love and when I feel like it!

    Thank you for the inspiration..

    HELen

    pierrelecat

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  19. This is such a wonderful, inspiring post. It's not a dig at the blogger's who've made it big (or at least appear to have!), it's just a reminder that we're all valued in the blogosphere. Comparison get's us nowhere, and our value as individuals certainly lies far deeper than our appearance, social life and bank balance! I've been really lacking in idea lately and have had a really slow start since I started my blog at the beginning of may which has lead me to start feeling like I'm not as deserving or skilled as the bigger bloggers. Brilliantly written, really interesting - thanks! :-)

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  20. this was a very commendable post indeed, you can tell it was straight from the heart. i think it's inevitable that we will compare ourselves to others, pretty much every day in some cases even if we don't realise. it's hard to become truly comfortable with yourself and i think it will take years to be honest. i'm not there. i don't really compare myself to magazines and such like, more real normal people. i guess that's what i'm inspired by most. i got a little off subject there but respect to you dude.

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  21. thank you so much everyone, I have read all your comments and I'm so pleased that it struck a cord with you all. It's not always about being bitter towards others (I know some are), it's about getting yourself down that you are not more like them (achieving your goals) I think that people can't talk about it incase it's viewed as being bitter and jealous. It also goes beyond the blogging world, like many of you have said it's friends and real people you compare yourself with.
    Love your comments and feedback and thank you for your tweets too xxxxxx
    Blog for yourself <3 xxxx

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  22. This is such a brilliant post and I'm so glad you wrote it. I had depression as a teen so I know what it's like, and my little sister is suffering now which is even worse. I compare myself to other bloggers too, not so much content/photography but I'm awful at comparing layouts. I taught myself web design at 13 and designed for several years but the Internet moves on so fast, where I knew HTML, now most things are CSS and HTML5 I feel behind because I can't code like u used to. I know I could get back into it with practice but it's hard when you feel demotivated. Anyway, thanks for this post again!

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  23. Great post! I agree, we tend to compare ourselves to others and sometimes we feel depress or should I say jealous of others' successes. Your brilliant article has just reminded us fellow bloggers to be contented on what we have. ヅ


    P.S. Count us as your newest followers. Please drop by our blog and hopefully you can follow us back.

    http://fashionmoto.blogspot.com

    Thanks! ヅ

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  24. Great article - I can really relate to this. Seeing some people's amazing blogs does make me feel a little jealous but then I think they've worked for it and now are earning the rewards.

    Now I've just got to do the same - what I love - blogging and if I do get a bajillion followers - YAY! If I don't...I still like what I do! :D

    ~Hannah xx

    Also I love your dip-dyed/bleached ends - you're setting a new trend of reddy coloured hair ;)

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Thank you for your comments, I really do love hearing from you x