A New Year & A New Beginning

Yesterday I headed to china town with my dad, not only to celebrate Chinese new year (year of the pig) but also to celebrate my new start. I was ready to leave my broken controlling relationship, but then discovered that my partner of sixteen years and father of my children had been having an affair with my supposed best friend. This was the finally kick in the teeth, and a reminder to make sure I never took him back for the sake of our children. Your kids will get pass it, never stay for them never I wish I hadn't.

It's been painful mainly for my two boys, as we have to see this person if you can call her that as her children and mine are in the same class. But I've let go, you can't look ahead if you're filled with hate. I've grown in ways I couldn't imagine. My self-worth has sky rocketed, as now I see why I was being made to feel worthless because it was never about me or my actions. I've been crawling back to myself for a while, now I'm flying I can see everything crystal clear. Their actions are a reflection of their insecurities. This is all I will say, as I've already wasted enough time and energy on them. I've moved on,  and it's strange how something so vile and painful has actual been a blessing. I've spread my wings and feel happy, like I've woken from a horrid dream I've been living for five years.

I'm seeing friends and family, enjoying time with my beautiful boys and opening my heart to new love. I'm grabbing life with both hands, and it feels incredible. I have so much planned for this year, it's making my head spin. People have said I'm like my old self, but she's dead and gone too. I think it's so important to look forward, and not step back. I'm ready to soak in all that life has to offer. Where else to celebrate a new start than in China town, with a street filled with red lucky lanterns it's hard not to smile even in the rain. The atmosphere was electric, and there was so much to take in. The floats were so detailed bursting with neon bright and patterns, small children danced around with paper dragons as popper were thrown to the ground. 

There's a stand through China town, that's been there since I first started going back in the early 00s.  I think at one stage I recalled what it was for and possible signed it. But today I didn't want to just assume I had signed once upon a time. Dad and I stopped to read - 'the killing of (practitioners of Falun Gong peaceful meditation) for the purpose of selling their organs for transplant is a violation of the fundamental right to life. The words were filled me with complete sadness, sometimes we think the worst has happened to us. Then you open your eyes, and see actual there are way worst things happening.  As me and dad choked back tears, reading more details we asked to sign the petition and were horrified to know this stand was still here and that nothing was being done. The lady we spoke to was so sweet, and has been fighting this for well over a decade. She thanked us, I said that I hoped that everyone celebrating would take the time to sign. As it takes a minute for someone to put pen to paper, in hope of stopping this. She kindly gave me and dad a flower charm each - Which hangs by my desk to remind me of the good in others. It amazes me how kind and caring some people are in this world, sometimes it's easy to focus on those that fill it with hate. If you visit please go sign if you can.

After we went and took photos and enjoyed the dragon dance, the performs where amazing and it must have been overwhelming having so many people surround them. Dad and I were going to get some dumplings but as we hadn't booked a table everywhere was packed out. So I dragged him to Wahacca as he had never been. We talked about everything, and it felt like when I was young and he would pick me up and take me out on his Sunday. He wasn't the perfect dad growing up, and mine and his relationship went through a lot. But his changed and really making an effort now for me and the boys. I feel like some how, everything is falling into place and who knew that all I had to do was let go of everything I had been clinging onto for years. 

We picked up two paper dragons for my boys, who were at their dads. I wish they could have been with me, but I'm looking forward to them celebrating next year. They loved their dragons and had a lovely weekend with their dad. I think the most important thing now is making sure that they get the best out of me and their dad. I'm so excited for this year, and it's already kicking off to a great start. 

What do you have planned for this year?